I carefully chose the outfit I would wear to the literary cocktail party that evening. Not only did I rigorously choose the dress, but also the pants (black satin) and the bra (black Christian Dior lace). Why so much concern?
Probably because I was going hunting and expected to return with a companion. Cocktail parties are usually appropriate circumstances to meet people who share your interests, especially literary ones. Before leaving, I put a few drops of my favorite perfume, Fidji, behind my ears and set off for the large hotel where the reception would take place. There, I wandered around for a while. Suddenly it happened. A friend stopped me and said:
-Linda, let me introduce you to the greatest promise of current literature, she wants to meet you.
I greeted “the promise” and it was enough for me to look at him to know that my search had ended happily. It was quite a crush, in which I forgot, not without frivolity, the last recommendations of my psychiatrist (“don’t eroticize relationships, sex is too strong a bond. Generally, we get attached to people who are not worth it. Better to have a good friend first and later see what happens sexually.”) However, then, the only real thing was that my pants were already wet. I invited him to my apartment and the evening was a real sex party. I remember his maddening kisses, which put me on the verge of orgasm, his expert hands, the wise stroke of his mouth over every inch of my skin and the explosive instant when he introduced his vigorous penis into me to initiate a long, desperate, exasperating and unforgettable intercourse. We made love all weekend until we finally decided to live together.
Our happiness lasted exactly two years. Little by little our joy ran out. What contributed most to this were the depressions into which my companion began to fall, as he was coping with the definite frustration of having been “a promising young literary talent” and nothing more. On the other hand, as his dedication to literature did not bring him enough money, I became the breadwinner and, although I did not care too much about the fact, it had an influence on the erosion of relationships.
There was one good thing left, which cheered us up: it was the presence of my friends at home. With them, he seemed to revive and, sporadically, he returned to being the charming man I had met at the cocktail party.
What stimulated him most was an actress, Tania, a vital, beautiful, charming and absolutely liberated woman with an almost perfect body. I soon realized that my companion had taken a liking to her hips and breasts since, every time I turned my back in the meetings, he did not take his eyes off her figure. From the beginning I wasn’t too worried. I was sure that Tania would not betray me, since she was an honest person and loved me very sincerely. In addition, and although it sounds selfish and frivolous, I had noticed that Tania’s visits and the desire she inspired in him turned favorably towards me and the nights, after she left, usually ended in intercourse almost as wonderful as the first time.
However, something happened.
It was an occasion when the three of us were waiting at home, having a few drinks, for the appropriate time to go to a “blowout” to which we had been invited.
At one point, Tania proposed to teach me some of the steps of the dances she had practiced in her youth, especially the mambo and the cha-cha-chá. I readily agreed. We began to rehearse. Suddenly my partner, who was watching us, decided to join the game.
Honestly, I don’t know how what happened next happened. I do remember that suddenly the three of us were caressing and kissing each other in a frenzy. The surprising thing was that I -never before involved in lesbian experiences- received without rejection of any kind my friend’s ardent mouth and eager hands, I squeezed and stimulated her generous breasts, while I tolerated, with excitement, the caresses he lavished on her, which, by the way, were becoming more and more urgent and intimate.
We fell on the carpet, forgetting the world, in a maddened jumble, and began to undress each other feverishly, panting and moaning. Nothing mattered to me anymore, I just wanted to stay in that morbid threesome until the last consequences. I didn’t even mind the moment when he, preferring Tania, penetrated her with savage violence. On the contrary, then my arousal level reached its highest point and I sought to join the group caressing them both without prejudice.
It was a wonderful orgy.
The next morning the three of us woke up in bed and, after talking calmly about what had happened, we resumed our erotic games.
The incident did not happen again, and for some reason, after a while, Tania and I stopped seeing each other. As the weeks passed, I began to realize that not only did I deeply resent my lover, but my feelings about Tania, whom I saw more clearly as a disloyal friend, were wavering. This was reinforced when I learned that he was secretly seeing her. Furious, I reproached myself for having been, by chance, the cause of my own misfortune, by putting another woman within his reach. Thus, our life became a hell in which jealousy and quarrels abounded.
One day, however, it became light for me. After a fight in which he angrily left the house, I began to think about our relationship. I appreciated the full extent of the fact that he was in a very bad way, that as a writer he was not succeeding, that as a male provider he was a failure and that he depended on me financially and that this was crippling him. For my part, I recognized that sexually I could not give him the minimum he needed and that, without consciously wanting to, I was turning into a jealous harpy who would end up pushing him away. And I loved him.
So, I made a resolution.
That night, when he arrived, Tania and I were waiting for him in the bedroom.
-Welcome,” I said, “today we have a dance class.
He smiled and began to undress.
Since then, the threesome is the routine on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the relationship has improved remarkably. It’s been seven months, he’s back to writing and back to being the fiery lover I knew after that cocktail party. Tania loves us both equally.
Somehow we are happy. I don’t know if it will last. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing either. But it doesn’t matter. What is valuable here is our balance and our love.
