“Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it’s good you can’t get it anymore. If it’s bad you just had sex with an ex.”
Samantha Jones (Sex and the City)
When you have been in a relationship that ends in a breakup, it is advisable to have a period of adaptation to this new reality.
When we break such a special bond with someone, we are faced with the situation of either continuing to see that person, even if the type of relationship takes on a different character, or ceasing to see them altogether.
In breakups, there are very few cases in which there is a good relationship and communication with the ex, at least not in the short term. In these circumstances other types of feelings develop, such as jealousy and resentment, which make everything more complicated and painful.
According to most experiences, it is best to establish a temporary separation until each person acquires his or her individuality and is no longer dependent on the other. This time is variable. Even in many cases, it does not even make sense to re-establish any kind of contact because the friendship is not possible or does not feel like it.
We have to be aware of what it is that makes us want to see old partners again, whether it is the desire to recover and develop the friendship or the desire to return to old times.
Is sex with former partners appropriate?
Once a relationship has been maintained, it is very difficult for the breakup to result in simple sexual contacts that involve nothing more than sex.
We all have a memory and the emotional part of it is deeply marked. When we have physical contact at this level again, memories, desires, hopes… come into play, and the pleasant moment of sex leads us to remember the positive things of the lost relationship.
Maintaining this kind of contact only prolongs the agony and hinders independence. After the climax has passed and in the absence of that person, we almost always realize that we have retraced the steps we might have taken.
The best thing to do is to be categorical in this matter and not to propose, or accept proposals, of this type of encounters. At this time we are very vulnerable and can not fit too well the consequences of these acts, so we must protect ourselves and try to get out afloat.
In cases where the lost relationship has developed over time into a true friendship, it may happen that sexual relations are maintained without this problem.
Even so, it is difficult to be friends, have sex and have shared a relationship without the situation, sooner or later, becoming complicated.
