“I’ve always found the idea of ‘saving’ your virginity intriguing: it’s not as if we’re packing our Saran-wrapped hymens away in the freezer, after all, or pasting them in scrapbooks.”
Jessica Valenti
False Myths
- The man has a greater capacity to interact sexually than the woman: It is a common cliché that a sexual relationship in a couple is only maintained if the woman is willing. Therefore it seems that it is the man who is always willing. Sexual relations depend on all parties involved, and their greater or lesser predisposition depends on factors such as mood, or the degree of stimulation; never on the fact of being a man or a woman.
- Masturbation is harmful: physically and psychologically: Just as we need to explore to know our physical environment, we need to know our body. This is how we learn that we like some parts of the body more than others, the sensations are totally different. Masturbation is a pleasurable act that has always been frowned upon under society’s strict rules of conduct. Even the idea that masturbation is an individual act is wrong. Both solo masturbation and masturbation with other people can be understood as a useful practice to obtain sexual satisfaction. It also allows a certain independence, since being a couple does not always feel like having sex at the same time.
Tip: if we manage to have a satisfying sexuality with ourselves, it will be much easier for us to transfer it to our partner.
The true relationship is one in which the couple reaches orgasm simultaneously.
To consider that sexual harmony lies in having a simultaneous orgasm is a mistake, the only thing that can lead to discouragement, frustration or obsession. The fact that a simultaneous orgasm occurs is something circumstantial.
Tip: It is much more operative to try to achieve a mutual orgasm without having to be simultaneous.
Sexual intercourse is the most convenient technique to reach orgasm.
There are different ways to reach orgasm: caresses, masturbation, … The orgasm is the point at which all the tension is relieved in a series of very pleasurable muscular contractions. Each orgasm depends on the place and the particular woman, the same woman can experience many types of climax. In addition to penetration, orgasm can be achieved through masturbation, oral sex, or any other form of stimulation. The experience may differ, but the cycle of physiological response is the same (from arousal to resolution).
Tip: Keep a flexible attitude regarding the techniques to use, always looking for the most appropriate to the situation, desires, mood or physical state, … of each one.
The woman feels two different orgasms: one through stimulation of the clitoris and the other through stimulation of the vagina.
There are not two types of orgasm. The clitoris is more sensitive to sexual stimulation than the vagina because there is a high density of nerve endings in it.
Tip: Many women claim that there are two positions that work for reaching orgasm during intercourse. One is the doggy style position, where the woman is on all fours and the man penetrates her from behind. In this position, either partner can use his hand to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse. The other is when the woman is on top, so she can lean towards her partner so that her clitoris rubs against his body.
Other misconceptions
Pregnancy cannot occur during the first sexual intercourse (with penetration).
- Pleasure is directly related to the size of the penis, the bigger the better.
- During pregnancy it is counterproductive to have sex.
- Sexual intercourse during menstruation is inappropriate because it increases the chance of infection.
- Sexual intercourse is not satisfying if orgasm is not achieved.
- Do not say “no” to your partner.
- If there is love in the couple, sexual relations will be pleasurable.
- When a woman does not feel pleasure, it means she is frigid.
- With menopause, a woman’s sexual appetite decreases.
